I'll Show You Mine if You Show Me Yours
by lock shock and barrel
Summary: [Slight ZADR] Dib seeks refuge from the rain...in a most unexpected place. Secrets are revealed, chaos most likely ensues. [the title is totally platonic and metaphorical. I win.]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Why hello there. I've gone and written a ZADR for you. I'm trying to make it as IC as possible, even though ZADR, by definition, is about as OOC as possible, out-OOC'd only by perhaps GAGR. Anyway...Enjoy. Critisism is welcomed and...expected ;-;

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The television buzzed and crackled in syncopation with the pattering rain outside. Zim had fallen asleep on the couch after sitting through three hours of Gir's rented movie; Gir had wandered off to go bake some muffins for his master, cooing happily. A sudden knock on the door jolted Zim out of a pleasant sleep atop the arm of the couch. He hurridly ran his gloved claws over his head, adjusting the curved wig, grateful he had kept on his disguise. Leaping up, he scrambled to the door and flung it open, immediatly slamming it shut again and marching back to the sofa. More knocking, angry this time, stormed the door. Gir squealed and sped to greet the visitor. 

"Gir! Can't you see this stupid boy is our greatest foe?" Zim shrieked at the robot.

"Oh. I made muffins!" squeaked Gir, rushing back to the kitchen. Seething, Zim glared at the soaked form in the doorway.

"Zim, listen to me! My dad is gone for work and Gaz, she locked me out of the house. I've been out here since this afternoon, Zim, please, just let me sit out the rain."

Cupping his chin with a clawed hand, Zim pondered. Dib-human's groveling amused him greatly; perhaps he could squeeze more submission out of the big-headed wormbaby. And besides, it couldn't rain forever. As much as he hated to do it deep down, he complied.

"Fine fine, Dib-stupid. You can stay _only_ until this horrible rain stops. And keep your filthy wetness away from the great ZIM." With that Zim waved away further conversation and so allowed Dib to enter the house, much to the excitement of Gir. Dib, unsure of what to do with himself, stood in the rain for a few minutes before warily shuffling in, closing the door behind him, at which point Gir latched onto his leg until the rain water made him short-circuit and so he dashed off to retrieve his muffins. Zim had resumed his position on the couch, flicking through channels with an expression of both anger and excrutiating boredom. But he could barely move to speak before a screeching Gir assualted him with muffins. Having tentativley taken one, Dib sat down on the sofa, on the opposite end of Zim, staring ahead at the TV until the rapidly changing channels gave him a brain anuryism. In attempt to break the rather awkward silence that had built up between them, Dib coughed and announced, "Cooking is apparently the only thing Gir can do right."

He got a grumble in response.

"Ziiiim! I made muffins!"

"Yes, I _know_, Gir."

"Please have oooone?"

"I'll have some of the Dib's muffin. Now leave!"

The little robot saluted smartly and dashed off, prompty crashing into a wall. At that point, Zim demanded Dib give him a bite of muffin. Dib refused and attempted to fit the entire muffin in his mouth, much to the disgust of Zim. The little alien hopped off the couch and stormed away, leaving Dib to choke until Gir came to his aide, which meant kicking Dib several times in the back. Deed done, Gir cried out in glee and grabbed the television remote, seducing Dib to three hours of Feather Boas of Death II.

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**A/N: That movie is entirely made up. But if it were real...I would totally watch it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hoorah for the second chapter. No, there is no ZADR yet. You lose.**

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Within the first five minutes of the movie, Dib had fallen asleep on the couch, even with Gir squealing through the entire three hour session. A combined pain in his diaphragm and forehead slowly roused him up, as well as Gir yelping, "He's aliiiiive!" When Dib found he could not sit up, he grumbled and opened his eyes. And a loud stream of imprecations escaped his mouth. 

"What the Hell are you doing!"

"Well if you must know, _Dib_, I was trying to find a cure for your big stupid head."

"You're _sitting_ on me!"

"Of course; you'd have moved otherwise and been cursed with a freakishly large head forever."

Rather dumbstruck, Dib took a moment to assess the situation. Zim, wig and contacts put away, was sitting on his stomach and poking his forehead with a scapel, and Gir was standing beside the couch and squealing, a myriad of sharp tools stored in his open head. All this disturbed him quite a bit, but he was still trapped on the couch and could do nothing about it. Seeing that his 'subject' was not quite willing, Zim informed Dib that it was still raining.

"That's nice. Now get off me."

Zim gave Dib a final jab with the scapel before jumping down to the floor and returning the tool to Gir's head, so sending the little robot away. Just to be certain, Dib took a quick glance out the window; it was indeed still raining. He groaned loudly.

"Silence! Since you and your stupid stupid self can't return home yet, something will need to be done for the passing of time," Zim declared.

"And what do you propose we do?"

"I was thinking of using your abnormally giant head for target practice. Because of its hugeness." Zim started into a fit of cackling; Dib rolled his eyes. It was clear that the rain would not be letting up any time soon, much to the dismay of Dib. There were so many better things he could have been doing, like sending in pictures to Mysterious Mysteries, or proving that his next-door neighbor was a werewolf. But then his eyes settled on the little green form standing before him, and a brilliant plan formulated inside his oversized head. He slowly hoisted himself up into a sitting position and hopped down, at which point he was standing within a two foot radius of Zim, causing the alien to edge away while still trying to keep up appearances. He eyed Dib suspiciously. "What are you planning, wormbaby?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking of something we could do until the rain stops."

"Oh? And what might _that_ be?"

Now Dib could put his ingenius plan to action. But he would have to do it stealthily, so even Zim would not catch wind of it. "Well, I was thinking that we could play...a _game_. You wouldn't know it 'cos it's a _human_ game."

"Yes yes, now carry on with your 'game'. Tell to Zim!"

Dib grinned; his plan was working. "Alright, fine. It's called 'I'll Show You Mine if You Show Me Yours', and-"

"What are we showing? Tell me, Dib-stink!"

"Well I would if you would _shut the Hell up_!" Dib screamed, fists clenching. After a consent of silence from Zim, Dib calmed himself and continued. "Okay. I'll start. I'm going to tell you something that no one except _I _know, something...dazzling. Then, you go, and _you_ tell _me _something secret."

"_Why_ would I do something like that? You think you can trick ZIM into your tricky trickery? Eh? Eh? You can't!"

Dib sighed loudly and jammed his hands into the pockets of his trenchcoat. Zim was horribly tiring, but Dib would still be victorious. He just had to complete his plan. "Listen, Zim, I promise that nothing anyone says will leave this house." A lie. "Hell, I haven't even got my camera." That part was truth. Gaz had hidden it somewhere in her room, and to try and sneak into Gaz's room was suicide. Dib saw that Zim was actually thinking about it seriously and mentally urged him on. After quite a while of pondering, Zim suddenly responded, jolting Dib.

"Very well, Dib-stupid.I'll play your little _game_. Now start, filthy Earthchild!"

Disregarding Zim's usual nicknames for him, Dib nodded. "Alright. I'll tell you something, something _incredible_..."

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**A/N: What is it? You'll have to wait. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry it took a while. I couldn't think of anything for Dib to say that would take up an entire chapter so...this one kind of rambles. And Zim is very self-absorbed. But when is he not? Oh yes, and before I get killed...**

**I own nothing. Nothing at all. Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, because no one else could make such an amazing show.**

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"You remember when your stupid plan for revenge turned us into bologna, don't you?"

"I remember my plan being _ingenious_ and that it was _your_ fault that we were both bologna," Zim corrected, "but continue."

"Well, once I was able to use my labs again and Gaz stopped trying to feed me to the neighbors' dogs, I started toying with some leftover chemicals from the bologna incident. A lot of them turned out to be either useless or lethal, so pretty much everything went to waste. But...there was one substance I hadn't yet tested. I was gonna give up, since everything else had failed."

"The Dib fails a lot, doesn't he?"

"_As I was saying_, I wasn't planning to run any tests on the last substance. But I figured, what the Hell, it can't hurt anything. So I did some testing, diffusions, stuff like that. I wasn't expecting to find anything, but it ended up being something unbelievable." Dib paused, assuming Zim would make some comment or other to disrupt the flow of his story. His lie, to be more truthful, but Zim appeared to be enraptured, so Dib continued. "It was..._everything_. It had the property of invisibility, it could be molded into anything. Its DNA reading gave the answers to almost every question; it even held the very meaning of life itself! I had the very answer of existence in my hands!"

With each word about the mysterious 'substance', Zim crept closer to Dib, taking in everything, so that by the time Dib finished his narrative the alien was greatly invading his personal space. Eager to get Zim away from him, Dib quickly added, "But it was highly explosive and imploded before I could produce more of it."

Zim's antennae drooped and he shuffled back to his own space in the room. But not without informing Dib that it was no wonder his creation had exploded, seeing as he was using human equipment and his enormous head was probably filled with air or dead rats, and that Irken technology was far more superior and so could destroy the entire Earth when the time came. Dib sighed and rolled his eyes all throughout the monologue. "Well if that wasn't interesting enough for you...I have proof that my neighbor is a werewolf."

"I am not! And it's _Zim's_ turn to talk. What _is_ this...where-wolf, anyway?"

"Stop flattering yourself. I mean the guy that lives next to me. And a werewolf is a person that turns into a wolf with the full moon. And my neighbor is one of 'em. I saw him trying to eat his own dog this one night, 'cept he was all giant and hairy."

"Heh. Probably an improvement, ugly humans," Zim mused, letting out a short cackle. Tapping his chin with a gloved claw, he questioned whether or not he would be able to fabricate a substance such as Dib's; not once did the idea that the human boy may have been lying enter his mind. He did notice, however, that Dib had stood silent for more than a few minutes, miraculous, appearing to want something, and Zim was prepared to ask what exactly it was that he wanted, but remembered it was his turn to speak. And it was crucial to remind Dib of this, in case he had forgotten, or if he had doubted Zim's utter greatness, and so Zim drew himself up and announced, loudly of course, "You distract me, stupid Dib-ness. It is time for you to listen to _Zim_! Listen and hear, wormbaby. Bask in my glow!"

"I admire your modesty."

"You should. But now you should listen, because I have something even more better to say, better even than your _substance_ and 'meaning of life'. And it's even more amazing because _I'm _saying it. _You_ could never pull it off."

Becoming revved up by his own vanity, Zim was nearly standing on his toes, his antennae lost their sweeping curve and stood straight up on his head. Dib, however, was close to either laying a fist in the alien's chest or going back to standing in the rain; he hoped the seven sins truly were deadly, and Zim sporadically stopped living due to being overly-narcissistic. Luckily, the alien soon ceased his self-praise.

"Now then. I assume you'd like to hear my story."

"Sure. Go ahead." A myriad of thoughts flooded Dib's mind. What would the alien say? Would he leak secrets of his kind? Perhaps information on his leaders, their technology? He was almost trembling with anxiety, but he contained himself. The facade would have to last a while longer. _I should have been an actor... _

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**A/N: I realize Gir has kind of fell off teh face of the earth at the moment. We'll pretend he's off doing something important. Comments and critisisms welcomed and wanted.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry for the author note to chapter ratio, but this has to be said. Though no one yet has attacked my fic, it will probably happen eventually due to the nature of it, that being that it is a ZADR. This is stated in the summary, so if anyone reads it and flames me because it's a ZADR they should _die_. Because it clearly says before you read it that it is a ZADR. Here, I'll make it easier:**

**ZIM: Well Jesus, Paroxsymal, I rather hate ZADR and all of its ugly forms.**

**PARA: Well you see Zim, it clearly states in the fiction's summary that the story is a ZADR, so if the very mention of its name makes you want to vomit until your eyes bleed, I would suggest just not reading it at all.**

**ZIM: That's a pretty damn good idea. thnx0rz.**

**See how easy that is? And if you don't like ZADR because you're a homophobe, then be more tolerant, okay? You're not perfect either so you have no right to say what people should do. You only have the right to shut the hell up. Besides, this is fanfiction. We get to play with the characters as we like, whether or not you say it makes Jhonen want to cry. If Victor Hugo were alive, he'd probably want to cry over Javert/Valjean. But no one has a problem with that, now do they? The way I see it, ZADR is similar to Javert/Valjean, in that it's not so much about the gayness as it is how closely related love and hate are, a connection between enemies. Sure, Les Mis is much more deep than Invader Zim, but it's the principle of the thing. That's why I like ZADR. You can disagree with me, but do it in an intelligent way. If your review is similar to "ong ur fik iz so dum i h8 it u suk", I will kill you or flame the shit out of you. You will cry. Anyway...IZ belongs to Johnen Vasquez. Sorry for the short chapter...

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"I'm sure you already know of my greatness and awesomeness, and that the Irken armada is poised to bring this filthy planet to its knees before the mighty Irken empire, where it belongs. And you know what? I'll be worshipped for it! Yes, worshipped, I, _Zim,_ by far the best invader! The Tallest were wise to choose me for such a mission...They will not be disappointed, I promise you. The destruction of Earth will be sweet, yes it will..." Zim cackled and wrung his hands, crimson eyes flicking side to side, sharp teeth curved into a wicked grin. However, he realized his audience was not too fond of listening to the eminent doom that was to befall his home. So Zim straightened up and resumed his speech. "But you don't care about that; you already know about _that_. I must tell you something _secretive_." 

"Sure, but...how do you plan on bringing the Earth to its demise, huh?" Dib inquired, poised to take in every detail Zim spilled about his conquest. He was soon struck down with the alien's refusal to continue with the subject; the sensation was like being pulverized by a cement truck. Right before his eyes, Dib's brilliant plan was crumbling. It took all of his strength to restrain himself from diving at Zim and shaking the information out of his annoying little head. Besides, Zim had already moved on to his secret. Not that Dib cared, his hopes now shattered like a cliff diver against a reef.

"Now then...In my time on this hideous planet, I've found that humans are perhaps some of the stupidest creatures to curse this already disgusting place. Not a single one has caught wind of my plans or even questioned my brilliant guise. No one, none except _you_. You were the first to discover me, and so we became _nemesises_. And yet even as enemies, you are still the only human I have relations with, hateful or otherwise. But you are not like the others, Dib. No, you are far more clever, determined to show it even if it makes you the center of all ridicule, which you rightly deserve, but nonetheless. I believed this to be a simple mission, easily done and comepleted with my greatness. But no. _You_ have been my only obstacle this entire time. And as much as I hate to admit it...I enjoy the challenge. Yes, you have given Zim a great task, stupid human. Otherwise I would have easily cinched this planet. You are a loyal warrior to your little Earth, Dib-stink, perhaps greater than some Irkens I have encountered. Except for me, of course. You and I, we are the prime of our kind, yet so misunderstood. It is both astounding and sickening to see how much we are alike. And so my secret is that...I find you to be a worthy adversary. Yes, stand in awe, as the great _Zim_ admits you to be the only opponent to have stood up to him."

Although listening to Zim's narrative was exhausting, Dib certainly did not miss the final shred of admiration. The boy let his jaw hang loose, desperately trying to contemplate what had just happened, merging every emotion and thought into a very strangled "What?"

"You. are. a. worthy. ad-ver-sa-ry." Each word and letter was drug out painfully slow by Zim, who added, "Did you get even stupider, Dib-human?"

"N-no, I just...wasn't expecting..." As much as he denied it, in the past few moments Dib had become much less eloquent in his speech. Gulping down a few breaths, Dib tried again. "You think I'm a 'worthy adversary'?"

"Surprising, isn't it? But I suppose that's why it's a secret. And if Dib is true to his word, none of the other wormbabies can hear about this," Zim threatened, pointing an accusing claw at Dib's face. In his dazed state, Dib responded with some form of agreement, still trying to get over the fact that Zim had _complimented _him and that he had again been foiled in his grand scheme to reveal the alien. A sudden relevation overcame Dib, a wave of realization washing over him and setting his voice in automatic.

"I...I have another secret to tell you..."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: There'll be one more chapter after this one, with our best friend Dib. But for now...Read on.**

"Fine fine, entertain me." With a wave of his hand, Zim permitted Dib to speak again. Swallowing around a lump in his throat, Dib spoke.

"W-well...I think you're a worthy adversary, too, and-"

"It's true."

"But that's not the point. You see...the first day you came to Skool, my life changed. Finally, proof of everything I had been telling people for years! A living alien, right in front of their very eyes! But none of them listened. No one would listen. That didn't matter, though. I finally had something to strive for, a chance for fame and glory, acceptance. And then...then I could look down on all those who made fun, laugh at them. _I_ would be the one on top. So I dedicated my life to proving to everyone what you really are beneath your...really God-awful disguise. Every waking moment is spend studying, pouring over notes, simple observations. All because of _you_. It's like some kind of unhealthy obsession or something...I've honestly dedicated my entire life to you. To _you_. And yet...as bad as it sounds...you've given my life _purpose_. You've given me a reason to continue my studies, to strive forth. To continue life, even. I..."

Dib's voice tapered off, his last climatic words wisping away into nothing. At the realization of what he just said, a horrified look crossed his voice, soon vanishing so that Zim would not laugh at him, but Zim himself had edged away a bit, totally baffled. There was a growing silence between them, Dib trying to decipher what exactly he had just said, and Zim trying to figure out if Dib was lying or not. The more Dib thought the more perplexed he became. Considering everything he'd just rambled on about, it seemed more like he should be _married_ to the damn alien rather than the two being mortal enemies. Wasn't _that_ a thought. Love and hate; were they all so drastically separated? Both were the deepest amount of passion that could be felt, a necessity for a flame strong enough to ignite a permanent emotion. As if directed by some other-worldly force, pulling him along in a slow, fluid motion, Dib leaned forward and pressed his lips to Zim's cheek, quickly snapping back and mentally pistol-whipping himself in the face. Zim touched a gloved hand to the spot as if it stung, and narrowed his eyes.

"What...was that?"

"Err..." Dib ransacked his brain for anything, anything that would dig him out of this hole. "It's uh, a human gesture. Of trust and, um...I guess it's like a truce."

"Hmm. Well I suppose you expect one too, then, if we are to call 'truce'." Unsure of quite what to do, Zim attempted to mimic Dib's action, with much more deliberation. Dib, of course knowing the true meaning of the gesture, nearly died of relief when he saw that the rain outside had let up.

"I-I should go now. It's stopped raining. Thanks for lettin' me stay here, Zim." With that, Dib quickly scrambled out, slamming the door shut behind him. It was at this time that Gir made his entrance again.

"Where Dib goooo?" The robot scurried about the room, looking for the recently-departed Dib.

"The rain stopped. He's gone now." Zim left it at that, touching his hand to the spot on his cheek again, eyes fixated on the door.


End file.
